QUIRKY!

These plays are marvelously 'quirky', great fun for players of all ages.
There is a level; of sophistication here with numerous references to English literature
and a strong nod to Shakespeare, Dickens and Jane Austen.

THE CUBE

Hazel:   Riddle: What does a recalcitrant crow, a tremulating mouse, a

scarecrow who knew William Shakespeare, a feral cat, an irascible Maths teacher, a young impressionable student and a cube have in

common? 

Answer: We’re all in this story. 

I don’t like confrontation, so I tend to hide at school,

sort of hoping that no one will notice me and that the day will pass uneventfully

so that I can go home, curl up in my favourite chair and read a good book.  

But, sometimes, it’s impossible, like on the day we were making cubes in Maths. 

Everything went quite tragically wrong as you’ll all too soon see.

I’m not a thief! I did take the cube but I didn’t keep it. I never meant to keep it. I’d 

just had enough and I wanted to get my own back and I know I shouldn’t have

and I’m terribly sorry but bullies should know that sooner or later, they’ll get 

what’s coming to them….oh, it’s no use, no matter how I try to justify it, I’m quite 

awfully ashamed of what I did. I took the cube, although I didn’t really know what

it meant to her, my maths teacher, and I threw it in the nearest rubbish bin.  

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STRONG ENSEMBLE PIECE
7 major speaking parts
Gender neutral
Duration 1 hour

SNUFFNUFF'S EMPORIUM of ODDS, SODS & COLLECTIBLES

Emily

This is the place, Thomas, Snuffnuff’s Emporium of Odd Sods and Collectibles.

 

Thomas

Well, I never! I thought you’d gone bonkers when you first mentioned it! Found it on the Internet, you said, and I tried, and no mention of it whatsoever. 

( they enter the shop and rummage around )

Emily

Moby Dick, the great white whale, Captain Ahab, and… Ishmael.. ‘Call me Ishmael’

 

Snuffnuff

Know your literature…I’m very impressed, very impressed indeed…not enough youngsters know their literature these days…computer games and Facebook…excellent in their own way, I suppose, but the cost! Now then, what ‘s that you’re holding?

PURDEY'S REPOSITORY OF DIABOLICAL STRATAGEMS!

A 'ripping yarn' of a tale. Every dastardly trick in the book has been recorded by Purdey, including ball tampering!

PURDEY: Alexander Purdey, the errant son of an East German taxidermist and Scottish midwife. As a youngster, Alexander delighted in nothing more than pulling the legs off unsuspecting grasshoppers and squashing poor tadpoles. Some say it was an attention seeking device, a sad attempt to gain the affection of his parents, one of whom was eternally busy, day and night, stuffing foxes and ferrets, the other bringing bonny babes into the world. Some averred that the infant was perverted and would grow to bring shame on the hard working family. 

The young Purdey was a notorious bully at school. It was he who devised the hideous practice that would come to be known world wide as ‘inflicting the wedgie” and it was his exploits and manifestly scurrilous behavior that inspired the character of Flashman from Tom Brown’s Schooldays. 

Purdey passed his final year exams by cheating at every turn. Other terrified students, under threat of dire consequence, passed him correct answers when the invigilator, too often it needs to be said, gazed longingly from the classroom window and dreamt of being very far away on a sun drenched beach. 

Expelled from Oxford University, what could Purdey have expected? His recalcitrant antics were no match for some of the finest and most decent minds in the country. Spiteful and crammed, from top to toe, full of resentment and desire for revenge, our antagonist set about the master work of his lifetime, the collection of stratagems, simple yet effective and stretching to the utterly diabolical. It was the latter in which he excelled and thus came in to being one of the most celebrated works of world literature: Purdey’s Repository of Diabolical Stratagems.

20 speaking parts
Duration 1 hour 10 minutes

Small Title

TREACHERY

An Elizabethan adventure and the Gunpowder Plot

 

 

a piece of paper blows in the wind chased by a young girl

 

Miranda

Stop! Stop right there! That you are a page blown on the breeze does not make you a match for one such as I. (picks up the paper and holds it to her ear) And what is one such as I, I hear you ask. Impertinent piece of parchment, that you will most assuredly find out!

Boy

You!

Miranda

Me? (hides paper behind her back)

Boy

I don’t see anyone else, do you?

Miranda

No.

Boy

What are you doing there?

Miranda

It’s none of your business, patch!

Boy

Business? it is my business as you put it. This patch of muddy riverbank is my business from London Bridge to St. Paul’s great cathedral! It’s where me and me Cheapside mates makes our living, such as it is, and you’re trespassin!

Miranda

You don’t own the river. Nobody owns the river.

13 speaking parts
Duration 1 hour 10 minutes